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It’s easy to envision a master/sub relationship that consists of regular oral service and spanking, but a contract can also be handy in determining how your relationship unfolds outside of the bedroom. While this might seem like a mood killer, it’s imperative you’re on the same page about STDs should bodily fluids be exchanged allergies if you’re planning to break out the whipped cream and chocolate sauce or emotional triggers if any parties are working through a past trauma or are under duress.Įxpectations that go beyond the sexual. Adding a health declaration to your contract allows both parties to disclose whether they have any physical conditions or emotional hold-ups that might alter a scene. Physical and emotional implications that might be relevant to play. The possibilities are yours to explore when it comes to designating titles: Master and pet, Daddy and princess, and beyond. You’ll want to immediately identify who is involved, what role they’ll assume for the duration of the contract, and how each party will be addressed. What you’ll call each other during a scene. Plus, it gives everyone involved a firm date upon which they can bring renegotiation points to the table. However, you’ll want to define a start and end date for your agreement - it’ll be helpful for setting expectations, as well as planning and fostering a well-defined commitment between partners. It’s important to understand that any party is within their rights to terminate the contract whenever they feel it’s appropriate. While you may choose to pare back on some of the addendums in our template, you’ll want to make sure the following eight elements are included in your agreement: While this contract will become an equal tool for both partners, the submissive should be empowered to take on a primary or active role in its contents to ensure their boundaries are crystal clear.Įssentials To Include When Writing a BDSM Contract Whether you’re experimenting with bondage or looking to delve into Total Power Exchange (TPE), you can expect a contract to clarify your intentions, which Ogilvie asserts will “result in more communication and lessened conflict.” When in doubt, remember to let the submissive lead the conversation. Of the utmost importance in the kink community are the tenets of ‘safe, sane, consensual’ and a contract can help ensure that play continues to abide by these principles.”
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“Contracts can lay out expectations for scenes, the relationship between the people involved and can help all parties understand one another’s limits and boundaries. “Having a contract is useful for beginners and long-time practitioners alike,” Alana Ogilvie, MS, LMFT tells Kinkly. So don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation in a way that might feel structured to you. If you’re just casually relaying what you like and dislike in bed, you’re not really touching on the nitty gritty of what can make a D/s partnership so arousing. What do you need to know about BDSM contracts?īDSM contracts are a real tool that’s been used by the kink community for decades (although they didn't get mainstream attention until the release of "Fifty Shades of Grey.") While you certainly don’t need to don business formal attire and sit across from each other in a glass-paneled conference room when you have the chat, keep in mind that the most successful BDSM contracts will result from more formal conversations than your day-to-day pillow talk. Use this template to its fullest, or simply use it as a thought starter when facilitating a conversation around boundaries and desires with your play partner. Remember that the power to cultivate your erotic pleasure is entirely your own. Read: Is a BDSM Contract Worth It? Download Our BDSM Contract Templateīut where to start? How about here! We've put together a customizable, downloadable template to help you outline the parameters for your ideal D/s relationship. This can be as simple as a couple lines in a shared iPhone note, or as formal as the product from the conference room scene in "Fifty Shades of Grey." The scope of each BDSM contract will be determined by personal preference, and what you need to get the most out of the power dynamic in your relationship. The specifics of BDSM play should always be discussed openly in advance, with equal input from all parties (yes - even you, submissives!) When you’re in the negotiation phase of exploring your limits, desires, and beyond, many find it helpful to put it in writing using a BDSM contract.